I used to think that if I released myself from everything that tied me down or left me feeling stuck, then and only then would I experience true freedom. After a full year and the ability to go or do whatever I wanted, completely free of any and all contractual obligations or commitments, I now know the freedom I was looking for does not exist. The truth is, commitment has always scared me and has been a struggle of mine. Big shocker right? Blame it on my upbringing or negative past experiences, my age, the culture or time I live in, or whatever…but the idea of commitment or permanent tie to anything has frightened me for as long as I have been making my own decisions. When I think about it, the real problem for me lies with the forcing or pressure of a choice that I feel am not ready for.
My guess is that this hesitation to commit comes a place of fear. The fear of wasting time, but ultimately wasting my life. For a long time, I’ve been afraid to loose something that I was worried once lost, I could never get back -my freedom and independence. By making a commitment to something, I feel I am signing my life away. Unfortunately for the significant people in my life, my fear of commitment to material possessions and worldly contracts have transferred over to my personal relationships. The sad part is, I didn’t know this was possible, but it is, and it has cost me deeply. For years my brain has struggled to distinguish and separate the difference between the good kinds of commitment verses the bad, and as a result, my personal relationships (in the area that matters most) have suffered the most. I believed the lie for many years (and only a year in #hotelprius could have taught me this) that if I cut ties to all my commitments completely and live life untethered of everything keeping me “tied down,” I would in fact experience the true freedom I was looking for. This I have learned is emphatically untrue.
Allow me to use an analogy of a kite on a string to further emphasis my point. Kites, as you know have been engineered to fly through the air with grace and ease. But what allows to kite to fly at all is simple string that connects the kite to the one flying it. Without this string, the kite would not fly. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am the same way. You see, by cutting myself (the kite) loose from the tether of commitment (the string), it is impossible for me to experience the kind of flight and true freedom I was made for.
Dare I say it, but some commitments are necessary. My wager is that the commitments that are necessary in life revolve around the people that care about you most. Case in point: Commitments are not always a bad thing.